the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize