I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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