My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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