i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
