I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
