Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
