There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
