Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
