i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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