Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
