i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
