In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
