I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
