Pants 0. Shit 1.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
