You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
