But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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