i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
