So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
