Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
