Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
