you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
