new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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