I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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