you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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