one two three fourrrrnication!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
