She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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