I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
