I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You may now shotgun with the bride
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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