I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
