Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize