you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
