I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize