Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
