I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Sober January is a disaster.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize