that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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