i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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