Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
