end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
