I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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