I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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