You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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