I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize