so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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