Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
