I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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