Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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