i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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