dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
