I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
