I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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