he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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