I want you more than these girls want KFC
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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