I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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