so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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