I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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