I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
