My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
