Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
