Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So much rum. So many feels.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
