i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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