Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
