i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize