I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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