We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
