So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
