I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
