the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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