all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
