3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize