I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
