Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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