don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
be right there i have to get my cape
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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