You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
