you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't deserve a penis
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
