I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
