ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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