If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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