what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
