I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
