At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize