My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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