You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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