so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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