I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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