hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize