It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You took a bar mat shot.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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