If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
