Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
