yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
