cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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