I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
zippers are such a cool invention
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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