You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
