why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
