Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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