I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
