I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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