I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
