i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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